Feb 19, 2011

My Review Of The New Movie UNKNOWN...

So I just went to Unknown, directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, and if someone asked me to describe it in one word I'd say, "One word would not suffice.  I have 13 words, two commas and one exclaimation point; boring, disappointing, trying to hard and nothing like Taken or the Bourne Trilogy!"

Rick Warner from the Bloomberg News said, "It's Taken meets the Bourne Identity"  That's like saying My Little Pony: The Movie is The Lord of The Rings meets Harry Potter.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I was more entertained watching Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.

**WARNING**  below this point I will effectively ruin the movie if you plan on watching it -- if I haven't already.

That said, the writing was lousy, the directing was bad and the editing was sloppy.  I never related to one of the characters.  The story never developed.  The action scenes and car chases were sad.  The only thing he could remember after bumping his head on a window was getting it on with his "wife" in the shower -- which he remembered a few times.  The fake Slovak -- or whatever it was -- accent from Diane Kruger was shoddy, January Jones' finest moment was when she blew up and Liam was more like Jason Bourne's great granddad.

They get to Berlin and you see them drive past Sowjetisches Ehrenmal in Treptower Park then they drove by Berliner Siegessäule and then under the Stiftung Brandenburger Tor.  Sloppy cutting.

This is one of those movies I leave applauding the person who cut the trailer.  They made the trailer much better than the movie could ever be.  The last scene was lame.  Yes, they tried very hard to be like the Bourne Identity and they fell very sort.

If you're thinking of going to watch this I'd suggest you pull out that copy of Bourne that's fallen behind your tv and watch it again or heck, hit up the new Bieber movie.


ti said...

I haven't seen this movie, but i have seen taken. I've got an alternate title for that movie. It should have been called Liam Neeson Punches Everyone in the Throat. Or Don't make Qui-Gon-Jin Mad Cuz He'll Punch You in the Throat.
This movie looked like it was a sequel. Did he punch people in the throat? If not, maybe that's why you hated it so much.

Todd Sansom said...

throat punching is my fourth favorite thing preceded only by midget tossing, pinewood derby and yoga.